Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Analyze This

I've lost my mojo recently.  I've been sick and my depression/anxiety has been bad.  However, my meds have been adjusted and my antibiotics are kicking butt.  I feel the tingle of creativity bubbling under the surface.  I imagine it's like the tingle of the start of an erection after a long time of being unable to get it up.  It's scary but exciting.  You don't want to rush it, in case it's a false alarm.  But what if it's the real deal?  This is could be it!  A real honest to goodness surge of blood to the head!  I better not waste it - quick give me something to put it into.  Funny - you could read that last bit as an erection or creativity.  I'll let you decided how you want to read it...

I often wonder why I just don't commit to writing.  I think it's partially due to me getting so excited when I see something new.  I get these wild hairs of "I like that.  I have to know everything there is to know about it.  I must do it!"  But then I do and it gets out of my system and I move on.  That explains why my house looks like it does.  Roller derby gear in one corner, art stuff in the other.  Bar tending class notes mixed in with theatre books.  I want to do everything.  But I can't do it half-way. Oh no!  It must be done right now and with the right equipment.  Is that so bad?  It's not my fault that I have a hunger for life.

But (as my freshman year psychology would deduce) what if I'm doing this to distract myself from what I know I should really be doing?  What if I'm just procrastinating to keep me from fulfilling my purpose in life?  Maybe I'm so scared of success that I will do ANYTHING to keep it from happening... NAH I'm just a free spirit.  Right?

In other news, this is Toby.  He is wearing a bow tie.  Why?  Because bow ties are cool.


  1. I share your hunger. But I've learned to always finish what I start, no matter what, because I can't live with myself if I don't...even if late --better late than never.

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